Friday, December 27, 2013

Best of the Worst 2013

It is yet another installation of AAK!'s year-end tradition: the worst emails of the year 2013! This year has been another reaffirmation of the eternal truth that, on the Internet, the supply of stupidity is infinite. Despite seeing the examples of dumb questions from 2008, 2009, 2010 (in Parts I, II, and III), 2011 and 2012, people simply do not learn.

As usual, these are all real emails that the Korean really received. Other than redacting personal information, not a single thing about the email is changed or modified in any way. The Korean's comments and thoughts on the emails are highlighted in blue.

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re: question

Kiseung had an initiation of the" Chignon",the putting up of hair.
What was the significance of that…?

Why a burial mound?

I'm sorry, who's Kiseung? And what does "chignon" mean in ancient Korean?

re: (no subject)

I DON'T GET WHY I ASIAN'S DON'T LIKE BLACK GIRL I MEAN IM REALLY DIFFERENT FROM OTHER BLACK GIRL. I DON'T HANG OUT WITH A LOT OF BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO LOUD RUDE AND GHETTO I REALLY DONT LIKE PEOPLE LIKE THAT I USAALY HANG WITH SPANISH AND I HAVE ABOUT 10 ASIAN FRIEND BUT THEY ARE CHINESE AND VIETNAMESE AND 1 KOREAN BUT SHE IS MIXED WITH BLACK I MEAN IM NOT FULLY BLACK BECAUSE MY MOM IS BLACK AND VIETNAMESE IM JAMAICAN AND VIETNAMESE.MY FAMILY DON'T REALLY GET ALONG WITH BLACK THAT MUCH IM INTO KOREAN MOSTLY AND JAPANESE I LOVE K-DRAMA AND THE CULTURE. I SPEAK IT A LITTLE BECAUSE ON MY FREE TIMES I ONLY WATCH THE DRAMAS OH AND THE GUYS ARE REALLY CUTE BUT IM NOT BEING RUDE BUT THE GIRLS ARE HARD TO TRUST I LEARNED FROM EXPERIENCES GUESS DRAMAS SRE RIGHT BUT YEAH

Right. But, yeah. Right. Right.

re: question for a korean

I was just curious if a korean and an american have children. considering when whites and blacks have children they are called maloto or millato or something so what would a korean white baby be called  just curious as i live with one as a roomate.

They would be called, "Please just shut the fuck up."

re: (no subject)

I've been living here for several years now, grew up in Europe, but this country has the highest percentage of dumb, selfish, egocentric people I've ever experienced. Just hard work and discipline doesn't cut it. Moral, ethics and sincerity are equally important.
Regards,

Glad to be a non-korean

So, your question is...?

More stupidity, after the jump.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com. But no stupid questions please. I just can't take it anymore.



re: Love

Dear Korean,
I'm in love with a Korean man I met online who was in the US on business trip. I've known him for some time now and when he travels back and forth to the US we keep in contact through email, Skype, and meet up if he's in my state. He's an aircraft mechanic. He wants to move to the US but, his English still is not perfect though it is improving greatly now. Do you know how I can help him to stay in the US longer than his passport allows?  If not able to give suggestions on that can you tell me something's I should know about maybe Korean etiquette or any other useful information about dating a Korean?

Thank you,
Jennifer [NAME REDACTED]

PS: I found you by googling Korean penis size as we were intimate recently and he is very very very small; which doesn't bother me because he fits a lot better in my mouth. (I have a bit of an oral fixation.)

Sorry if my English and grammar isn't very perfect at times. I am hard of hearing and mainly use sign language to communicate and it's in French grammar. :D

Sent from my iPhone

Somewhere in the world, a deaf woman met a Korean aircraft mechanic via online dating, and now schemes of immigration fraud. All the Korean wants for Christmas is not having to hear about another man's penis size.

re: DogHQ needs your expertise

Hi,

I thought you might be interested to check out DogHQ http://doghq.co
It's a question and answers online community about dogs — health, behaviour, training.

You can answer questions, vote for the best answers, comment and edit the answers.

As an expert you can benefit from an additional exposure and referrals from your profile.

Your clients may find a lot of their questions answered on the DogHQ http://doghq.co as well.

Please let me know what do you think.

Thanks!

Michael
DogHQ Admin

Does DogHQ have a section on new and innovative recipes for dog meat?

re: Korean women

I was told that when dating a Korean woman, they either crushed your opinion or your balls. Now what I assume the person meant by that was either you have no say or you're single, but I don't think Korean women would be that mean can you please shed some light on this situation? All help is greatly appreciated.

Ok, who was talking to this guy? The Korean needs to speak with you first.

re: Could you describe Korea's culture please?

[There was nothing in the body of the email.]

This question needs to be broader and more vague to be answered properly.

re: Korean Love, Korean Drama

Dear Korean,

I'm a girl from Poland. I became interested in Korea few years ago and since that moment more and more I fall in love with this country. And that's what I'm curious about - Korean love - do they take it THAT seriously like in Korean Dramas? Is it true that a man can do anything to get a woman he's fallen for? Or is it a bit exaggerated and there's no different between Korean love and love in Europe? I know that Korean Dramas are only TV shows, but they are also beautiful ways of showing love - delicate and artistic - not like in Hollywood films. 

Thank you in advance,
Karolina.

The Korean will let you in on a secret, Karolina. EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON KOREAN TELEVISION IS COMPLETELY TRUE. Like, 100%. They just tie the cameras on the street lamps and let them roll.

re: (no subject)

Why do korean man despite black women so. I luv korean man so much especially kim sang bum ,he is ma favrite actor .bt e prblm is just tht l'm black. Its nt ma fault tht l ws created lyk this, if l culd change ma self l culd hve done tht a long tym ago .so can't u accept blacks e way they are. This is appliyin 2 all korean out there nd pliz koment or rply.

I... I don't know. I'm too afraid to say anything.

re: North Korea AHHH!!!

Dear Fellow Korean.

Hello, I am a high schooler in Seattle.
Now, I'll be going to Seoul over summer break and what worries me most is North Korea right now.
What will happen if the war starts when I'm over there? Will I be able to come back to the States or will I be stuck in Korea until the war's over?

Which leads to...

So, let's say that I'm stuck in Korea and the war has started.
I can't speak Korean very fluently, though I can understand it. I can read most Korean but I suck at writing.
What will happen to me?
Will the North Koreans hate on me or send me somewhere to a concentration camp or something?

I'm sorry to load you with all these questions but I'm really scared for what's going to happen.
I (like everyone else) have family there and I have my future planned out and I don't want this to come as a surprise to me.

Please let me know if you can offer any help! 
Thanks!

North Koreans will definitely test you on your Korean ability before they decide to send you to concentration camp. In fact, North Korean gulags are full of Korean Americans like yourselves, who never listened to your parents' plea to pay attention at your Saturday Korean school. 

re: Can you read and write Korean?

Hi! Just wondering if you can read and write in Korean?

No, I'm an idiot. I lived in Korea through high school and never learned to read and write. Korean educational system failed me completely.

re: How is the following written in Korean using two vertical lines

I am wanting to have the following as a tattoo using two vertical lines. Also please verify the translation.

일단 아시아계가 백인을 가지 않을 거 야
Once you go Asian, you won't go Caucasian

First line: Once you go Asan
Second line: you won't go Caucasian 

Thank you!

Nichole
Sent from my iPad

You should just get that tattoo. You can't read it anyway, so why does it matter?

re: ask a Korean

Hello, I am 16 years old now. Please look at the attached photo (I am
the one in the leftside). Would you mind to tell me, am I pretty /
average/ugly based on Korean standard ? Just freely to tell me the
truth, I'll never mind hehe. And, please  just reply it here. Thanks!
:)

[Photo attached.]

The Korean thinks he will reply to you here, in public, for everyone to see. Here is the reply: stop being dumb.

re: Well, I need a lttle bit of help with my Korean Name

Dear Korean,

I was trying to find my korean name, but it as bit difficult for me sine I don't know a lot of korean... I know it means "God is full of blessings and indicates a person who only matures after much struggle for balance between reason and heart. She's seen as someone who doesn't knows what she wants, but when she decides she dedicates with  body and soul to achieve her ideals."

But now I don't know how I'm gonna find my name, can you help me ? 

Can I see your driver's license, Ms. "God of full of blessings and indicates a person who only matures after much struggle for balance between reason and heart. She's seen as someone who doesn't knows what she wants, but when she decides she dedicates with  body and soul to achieve her ideals"?

re: Wax for Koreans?

Hello! Im having so many doubts about how do Koreans wax or what kind of process women in Korea do to have the beautiful skin. I've seen they have such a nice armpits, what's the secret of this? Also korean idols look incredibly flawless with their nice armpits. I've tried cold wax, one of those american products but I don't think is that useful like how Koreans use it, I'm very intrigued by this, and it would be nice if you can help me. Thank you"

Sent from my iPad 

Why is it a surprise that people on television look good?

re: Im confused....

Hey Korean guy,
So basically I like Korean guys a lot more than white guys or any other race. I am mixed white and Hispanic and I started liking Korean guys while dating my first bf (he was Korean) I thought he was really .... not attractive.. at first, but later I saw him as really cute. I have no clue how it happened, but it did. But only two of my friends know I like Korean guys because to be honest I'm embarrassed. It's Not of the fact that I like them but the fact that some other girls who like Korean guys are like CRAZY about them, and their culture, and even try to act Korean. Idk I find that annoying. ..but I like Korean culture.. and I want to look Korean... but I dislike those type of girls who do that, especially if their really really white and look nothing like an Asian; I'm just being honest about my own feelings. Also for or some reason people look down on amwf relationships either as the guy has a white girl fetish or the girl has a Asian fetish. I hate the word fetish and never want anyone to call me that. Also I don't want to date a guy just because he's Asian. But I feel like more Asian guys like me because I have dark hair and pale skin and have some of "ideal" Asian features. But I hear all the time Asian guys like white girls but usually only date Asian girls. Also a lot of the Asian guys at my school know I dated an Asian guy so maybe they look at me more because of that reason. I know your not all knowing but really I would just like your opinion in all this mess in my head. I have some Korean friends but they all stick together most of the time and  I don't want to hang out with them in a group and seem like a wanna be Asian girl. I only tend to make friends with the Asian people in my classes, its like I just gravitate towards them. If there's no one Asian in my class I don't really try to make friends. Even my Korean friends don't know I want to be Korean and only one knows I like Asian guys. Its because I act clueless when they bring stuff up about Korea. (I don't listen to k pop though) but I think I just like the perception of innocence and cuteness in Korean culture, I've only watched about two Korean dramas and I really loved how the relationships were so cute and innocent. I know that's probably not how its like in Korea all the time, but I like the idea. Also some Korean women looks so beautiful and mysterious yet also cute and I want to look that way too. Basically I never tell anyone this and I just need a second opinion on my weird problem, Also someone to get me to calm myself down :p
                                                             Sincerely, really confused... 

The Korean never, ever wants to hear from another Asian man whining about how he can't get girls as long as these people exist.

re: Korean emotions

Asians, for the most part, pride themselves for not showing emotion, or letting others know what they are thinking. Why are Koreans so free in expressing outbursts of anger and hurt in public?

Maybe what you think you know about Asians is completely wrong.

re: Hello!

Hi there! I'm from Australia and I've been highly thinking about moving to Korea to try to become well known or famous.
Is this possible? Aron from Nu'est was American, I believe and moved to Korea to Stufy music and became famous.

Please give me a lot of detailed information on becoming famous and Arons big change ^^

Thank you 

Becoming is famous is easy. More difficult is controlling what you become famous for.

re: (no subject)

1) I will reach ICN at 1030 pm on 27 September via the airline Scoot. May I know what is the cheapest way to get my way to Ibis Ambassador Seoul Gangnam Hotel?2) For the City Tour Bus around Seoul (City Circulation Course), may I know how much the 2 day pass cost? And is it possible to purchase it from the bus driver in the designated bus stops of the course, or only from Gwanghwamun bus stop?3) There is 3 type of courses for the City Tour Bus during the day, namely Traditional Market Course, City Circulation Course and the Cheongyecheon/ Palace course.  Is it possible to switch around these courses using any of the 1 day pass, or I have to purchase all 3 type of passes?4) From http://english.seoul.go.kr/cav/ga/tourbus.php,  it states that the ticket covers not just sightseeing, but also entrance fees to museums, exhibitions and performances.  May I know which of the musuems, exhibitions and performances it covers? 5) I will be going back to Singapore on 4 October Friday. May I know if I'm allow to check in at CALT before boarding the airport limousine bus to ICN if my airline is SCOOT?6) For KOREA tax refund system, I am required to declare the purchased good at customs and get "ALL GOODS EXPORTED" endorsement from customs on my refund forms.  May I know if I am able to do it in CALT, or I must do this at ICN? 7) what is the difference between seoul city plus card and korea pass? Which is better?Sorry for asking so much questions. Thanks in advance. :) 

Seriously, just fuck you.

re: find person

can you please help me to find a person,her names JI AE from gongdandong gyeongsangbukdo gumi city, i think she is now 25 years old... near home plus and we work in ProSMtek co ltd. last 2007....thank you... 

Sure, I am actually standing next to every single Korean person in the world. Let me turn my head and yell "Ji Ae!!"

re: Song title

There was a hit pop song in 1977, soft and melodious, that I cannot remember. It I heard the name, I’d recognize it. 

I mean, just come on man. Really?

---------------------------------------------------------
If you managed to read this far, your brain probably melted. Here is the worst email of the year, which will blow away the last remaining bits of your senses.
 
::DRUMROLL::The Worst AAK! Email of the 2013!!!::DRUMROLL::

re: Traditional Gift basket for a Korean household

Okay, I feel helpless with this.  Here is the situation, my daugter is seeing a Korean, his family is Korean (mother is from Pusan?) and his father is military.  This past weekend the family came to see my daughter - a 5 hour drive.  We in turn will be going to see them.  I would like to put together a gift basket, but am not sure of what to give.  I have scoured the web sites and these are what I came across as items to put into a gift basket.  My son-in-law(to be) says to not bring anything - although his parents dislike that he has become too "Americanized" I feel since they have a traditional Korean home, I would bring a basket with some or all of these items:
 
Korean Tea - ginseng, yuja, persimmon
Asian Pears
Soju for father in law
Sriracha and other hot sauces (mini bottles)
Segmented servign dishes
Rice
Chopsticks
Lychee
Bok Choy
 
See, I am at a complete loss.  I am learning the bow, when and how to bow to whom (elders), and am attempting to learn han'gul.  I do not want to go without a gift, so please, I know you do not answer all of your e-mails, but I am hoping that you response to this one.  I see them in 2 weeks.
 
Thank you in advance for any and all help! 
 
Racist gift basket! This is straight out of a stand-up comic routine, except this email was written sincerely--which makes this email doubly awesome. Congratulations, you well-meaning lady who wants to pack lychee and bok choy for Koreans! You win the Worst Email of 2013.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

15 comments:

  1. I would just like to say, again, TK, that you are brilliant and thanks so much for creating and maintaining this blog. As readers, we sometimes forget the challenges you surmount to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post, TK!

    Have a great 2014.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My favourite response is the Ji Ae one - that just cracked me up XD
    Thank you for your wonderful posts!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aww I feel bad for the worst letter lady. Her heart was in the right place. Is that one really worse/more ignorant than the tattoo one, or the dog one, or the person afraid of being stuck in a war, or the penis size one, or any of the people hung up on getting a Korean man to like them?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I feel bad for the worst email, too... If the worst letter lady already gave the racist gift basket anyway, the Korean parents would have been surely embarrassed but they might not have felt it racist. But can't deny the mail deserves the worst.

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  6. "What will happen if the war starts..... I have my future planned out and I don't want this to come as a surprise to me."

    L. M. F. A. O.

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOLOL, I cannot stop laughing at your responses. I truly hope I never make the "worse email" list!

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  8. Way too funny. I think the North Korean gulag, the travel itinerary (laughing to the point of crying) and the gift basket questions are the funniest. Thanks for the laughs and happy new year!

    ReplyDelete
  9. This has truly been the highlight of my morning (LOL). I cannot help but, to continue laughing as I am typing this. All of the emails and responses were hilarious especially the one that asked if you could locate their friend Ji Ae. XD

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  10. Mind meltingly hilarious indeed! I'm amazed you can go through all this and still care about answering. Thank you for the hard work!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your notes and essays are a delight. Your perspectives are stimulating and informative. Thank you for your work in this medium. The worst letter is so sad, it points out the deep desire to connect to her new relatives, but she misses so much. Such people are found throughout the Earth, but it's true that the United States have a great number of good examples.

    I hope that the qualities we see here at AAK are present in law and jurisprudence--I cannot imagine you hiding this side of you from your main public profession. Or is this your main public profession?

    -A Californian

    ReplyDelete
  12. Excuse me, but by "Kiseung" I'm sure the person actually meant "Ki-Seng," Korean courtesans who were similar to Geishas who did fan dances, played instruments, poured wine, etc... and the "putting up of chignon" actually meant when young kiseng-in-trainings, when they became official Kisengs, tied up their braid as a large bun on the top of their head. If you watch Korean historical dramas or know a bit about Korean historical culture, you would know what a Kiseng is. I think you misinterperated the question a little.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yet another year without a penis picture. What happened? Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?

    Don't they want to pass an audition to be in a Korean movie? I bet they think that porn in South Korea is illegal or something.

    Talking about movies, I have just discovered a bunch of really really good Korean movies about gays. I have three different favorite movies: 1. A Frozen Flower 2. No regret 3. Only friends? Even though I am a straight gal, I really enjoyed watching them. They are full of passion and good looking guys.

    Happy New year! I am still hopeful that somebody sends a picture of his penis this year. And remember: size does not matter. Unless you are not Lee Min Ho.

    Love,

    VB

    ReplyDelete
  14. To be honest. These letters do not amuse me anymore. It's always the same story more or less.

    But for the tatoo one, she might have asked at the wrong place, but I don't agree that she needs not knowing what she will have carved onto her body for the rest of her life just because she can not read it. They aren't really words of wisdom, but she did good to double check before having it done. Would be better to give it up at all if she's not sure, though.

    ReplyDelete

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