Monday, June 16, 2014

World Cup Thoughts

Yes, the Korean realizes that he is far overdue for a post. In his defense, how can one write a lengthy post when there are so many excellent games to watch?!

I mean, just look at this amazing Van Persie goal. I could watch this all day.


Actually, forget that. I could watch THIS all day.


Every flying man deserves a cape.

Which brings us to Team Korea, which takes the pitch tomorrow against Russia. Unlike the Korean's other homeland--the United States, conquerer of the Black Stars--Team Korea belongs to the soft, soft "Group of Life." Other than Belgium (the "sudden juggernaut,") all three teams in the group--Korea, Russia and Algeria--seem to have a legitimate chance of advancing. On paper.

But don't be fooled by the paper. Haven't you learned anything from the papers like the New York Post? Or the papers that constituted credit default swaps which suddenly became a value-destroying black hole? Papers lie, and they lie about Team Korea's chances. This Korean team is one of the worst Team Koreas in recent memory. Everything about them is terrible. The defense is a never-ending horror show, the offense too young and too green. The team treats scoring chances like a nerdy teenager running into a supermodel. Instead of confidently approaching the object of desire, they blubber, kick about wildly and then explosively self-destruct.

You think the Korean is joking, but he emphatically is not. Just look at this chart of least favorite teams compiled by the New York Times. Obviously, Korea's least favorite team is Japan because obligatory. But Korea's second least favorite team? Team Korea. Our nationalism is not so great that we root for crap. When we see crap, we hate it, even if it ends up being self-hate.

So, that's Team Korea's World Cup chances in a nutshell. It would be lucky to salvage two losses and a draw, while giving up no more than two goals in either losses. (There is a real chance that Korea could lose 5-0 to Belgium. Mark my words.) Team Korea is that sick puppy that you picked up from the side of the road, that mangy one which would surely die in a couple of days. Like your parents said, don't get too attached. Just sit back, quietly mutter "Well, at least we made the Cup," and thank your lucky stars if you have another country that you may legitimately root for. In that spirit:  USA! USA! USA!

(Seriously though, I really want Korea to win. Just one game. Is that too much to ask?)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

15 comments:

  1. Ghana really needs better coaching. With the speed, strength, and skill their players displayed, their result was very disappointing. I am definitely happy the US won, but man, we were overmatched talent-wise.

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  2. Just as the Japanese women's team lifted Japan's post-tsunami spirits in 2011 Women's World Cup, let's hope the Red Devils can do the same for post-Sewol South Korea.

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  3. Can you imagine what would happen if Russia beats Korea? That'll be twice in one year. And if the referee is an Australian...
    Oh my...

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  4. I just realized that the header by Van Persie is basically a real-life 독수리슛. :D Made more awesome by the fact that it was a HEADER.

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  5. Well it was draw with russia but who cares? It was one of the most slow, boring games of the world cup. Nothing happened for the first half! And it's NOT like both teams were playing so well and constantly almost scoring, making it into a nail biting game but both didn't score. No, it was just shit. Nothing happened. They ran around the field with a ball, no one came close to scoring. The most entertaining part of the game was when the camera turned to the audience and i spotted 김수로 and some gagman that i can't name....

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    Replies
    1. 김제동 in his robot helmet?

      http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/2014/6/17/5819132/sir-there-is-a-game-on/in/5582983

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    2. Ah yes! thank you! That was annoying me, i just couldn't put a name to the face! :)

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  6. No it is not
    I hope SK wins a game, at least
    As much as I hope my country's team not to lose any more

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  7. I'm teaching in a Korean middle school, and I have to say it's cool to see how united everyone is around the games, even if the team isn't so great this year. For the Russia/Korea game, we had it streaming in every classroom during reading period before classes, and lots of people came to school at 7 to watch together.

    I'm with everyone else. I hope Korea can get a win!

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  8. Well played against Russia, especially considering how lousy Korea played leading up to the WC.
    Korea and all of Asia has yet to produce a superstar player. No one near Messi, Pele, or even Robben, Muller. Just a matter of time. But seems like Korea's soccer team can play up to the occasion with control football if circumstances are right, like the shocking 3rd place in Korea WC and surprise bronze in London. Beating England in England was special.

    And there's a possibility that Korea could meet the US in round of 16. Which would be world shaking.

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  9. Individually, however, some of these players are some of the most successful in Korean history. Players like Son Heung Min, Ki Sung Yueng, and Koo Ja Cheol were/are the most expensive transfers in history for their respective European clubs. We actually also have young Korean defenders being rated by top European leagues.

    The team is just too young and have been under terrible management for 3 of the last 4 years. My biggest hope is that HMB leads them to a respectable showing this time around so that the KFA will entrust him to lead this core to the next World Cup. Remember that HMB led Korea's U23 team to a bronze medal in a pretty competitive tournament in London 2012.

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  10. I agree with you. Korea is the worst team in this tournament. By far.

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    1. I was thinking of taking a 35 mile drive into Koreatown in Los Angeles to see the game with the clan, but glad I decided against it. I stopped watching after the first Algeria goal. Not only did Korea embarrass in the first half, they looked cowardly.

      Korea with a population of 50 million and a pro soccer league can't find a few defenders better than the college caliber players on their back line? Especially No. 17, 20? Pathetic.

      While Son is good, he has no one else on the team with him. Come on Koreans, breed some decent back fielders and then put some fire in them. Korea is the land of Yi Sun Shin for God's sake.

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  11. No love for South Korea? Even after their game against Algeria? I thought that was quite exciting.

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  12. Wow, you totally called it, 2 losses and a draw! Nicely played. Alas, wishing for one win was indeed too much asking...

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